The First Time Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Met Michael Bay

Where have I seen this pose before…

GQ.com just published “Blow-Up: An Oral History of Michael Bay, the Most Explosive Director of All Time” today which chronicles the work of the infamous pyromaniac disguised as a director. They’ve also made available outtakes including the first time Michael Bay met Rosie Huntington-Whiteley before being forced to give her Megan Fox’s job, or Steven Spielberg wasn’t paying him in yellowcake uranium anymore:

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: “I first met Michael back in 2009; it was on the set of the Christmas commercial for Victoria’s Secret. I remember the first thing Michael said to me— before he even introduced himself or asked me my name—was “Can you walk?” And I looked at him like, “What is this man talking about? Yeah, of course I can walk.” And then he proceeded to tell them to get me in the car, and then I was driven—I mean, honestly, I want to say it was about half a mile out in the desert. I kept thinking, “This is a joke, right?” And the car dumped me in the middle of the desert. All I was wearing was a bra and underwear and a big, billowing, black, floor-length cape and high heels. And he says, “OK, when we shout action, you’re going to walk!” and I assumed I would be doing this in several stages. They yelled action, and the car sped off back to set, and I just was like, “Well, what am I supposed to do?” So I walked all the way back to where the camera was standing, which took me—I would say a good 10, 12 minutes, and it was a proper runway stomp—on salt flats; it was like 100 degrees, felt like fire. I remember walking back and being not impressed by the whole thing. I was pretty pissed off afterwards; I just looked at Michael, and he goes, “I guess you can walk, then.”

The Superficial has also obtained exclusive outtakes from GQ’s oral history which for some reason didn’t make the cut:

Script Supervisor, Armageddon: I had heard the stories before, “Oh, don’t work on that movie, the director’s a date rapist,” but you just never know how glamorous it is until Steve Buscemi walks in and goes, “Mike, I gotta call the cops. — Psyche!”

Intern, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: I had never cleaned a pool in heels before. Or been date raped for college credit, so altogether it was a different experience.

Extra, The Island: I couldn’t wait to meet Ewan MacGregor in the desert which turned out to be date rape next to a Gila monster. Which got me in Transformers! I’m the girl whose SUV tries to eat her.

Scarlett Johansson: Looking back, now I see how I ended up with Sean Penn. Because of the date rape.

Shia LaBeouf: No kidding? Date rape? There were others? Way to make a guy feel special, Mike. I kid.

Nicolas Cage: Did he have to blow up my sister with C4 to hide the fact he date raped her? Probably not, but that’s how Michael thinks. He has a vision, and he sees it through. Like watching Michelangelo paint the Sistene Chapel with his cock and a fistful of plastique.

(Before anyone gets bent out of shape, click on this photo then try to tell me everything I just wrote here isn’t the most believable fake anecdotes you’ve ever read in your life. I made them up myself, and I’d still bet money at least all of them happened.)